every thing that has breath

you either give yourself to Him, or you don't.

one heck of a year.

once in your life you will find someone, who will turn your world around... bring you up when you're feeling down.
those bryan adams lyrics mean so much to me, for multiple reasons.
so many people have been there for me the past year, it's absolutly incredible.
shout out to my beautiful friends (yes, even you boys!), you know who you are.

it's hard to convey where i'm at still. it's hard to convey that i am a suicide survivor.
recently, i've felt really weak and vulnerable. mostly because things have happened that have shaken me.
adjusting to all that happened changes a lot of people.
i still think about it everyday. that morning. i don't think it'll ever fully pass my mind.
i wish i could have amnesia.
i wish my head could have a break.
but that's what happens, i guess. if you could delete all that you think and feel, and start over, aren't you just back where you started?
i just searched for my dad's RIP page, clicked on it, and started crying.
two months ago, i would of been able to face it and remember him in a good way.
now that a lot of things are changing, i want him here.
that hasn't changed.

i miss my daddy, i will every single day until i die.
i hope i can feel him and sense him on sunday.
it's hard right now, but i know i've got two dad's on my side.

thank you for reading my ramblings.
you are lovely.

For you, whoever you are

A lot of people are hurting. A lot are lost. I don't know why people die, whether it's suicide, heart attack or by the flu. But I do know, that it never gets easy. That person is forever missed, and always remembered by their death. That's why it's so hard to see pictures of my dad, because I want so much for that picture to be reality, and for him to pop out and be here. I know that will never happen again, he will never be here. He will forever be a memory that I think of and struggle with for the rest of my life. And sometimes, that's not comforting. Sometimes I want to crawl in a ball and never leave because I never want to have to deal with things that are real and very much important. Don't hide what you're feeling. I know allot of people who have lost someone recently and it's bringing everything back for me. I don't know why God puts death on us, and why right now it's happening so much around me but I pray that those of you who have lost someone either now or ever, trust in something. Give everything to Christ, because He is the only one who gives healing, rest and peace in the bulk. Everyone needs a little rest. Life, even when it gets you down, hope will turn it all around. But love is the greatest of these. Everyone needs a little.